I Didn't Survive

It’s hard enough having a painful secret that you are terrified of sharing.

It’s even harder when you find yourself in the international limelight as the advocate wife of a Christian hero imprisoned for his faith.

The worst part is fearing that, if you did share this secret, it might devastate the lives of your family and close friends, alienate tens of thousands of active supporters, and cause persecuted people around the world to become even more vulnerable.

Naghmeh Abedini Panahi lived in constant tension from the irreconcilable realities playing out in her own life, in her family life, in the conduct of others, and on the worldwide stage as she interacted with power brokers and well-known religious leaders. Tension involving: Steadfastly honoring God versus being carried away by the tide of circumstances Personal reality versus public persona Genuine faith versus hypocritical religion Truth and caring versus the end justifying the means Obedience to God versus loyalty to others For Naghmeh, it all came to a breaking point, and the only way through it was to die. Not physically, but in experiencing a death and rebirth in her understanding of God, her faith, and her identity as a woman. “I can't tell you how I was able to make it through, because I didn’t,” she writes. “Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, the new me emerged from the catastrophe of my marriage.”

I Didn’t Survive: Emerging Whole After Deception, Persecution, and Hidden Abuse is Naghmeh’s firsthand story, which takes you from war-torn Tehran to the quiet Midwestern U.S. to the halls of power in Washington D.C. It vividly describes the Islamic upbringing that shaped her, her unexpected conversion to Christianity, and the events that led to her marriage to Saeed Abedini, a magnetic pastor in the Iranian underground church. The book details Saeed’s arrest and imprisonment for preaching the gospel, her fateful decision to share the truth about her husband, her betrayal and abandonment by former supporters, and the new life of advocacy for women that has arisen from the brokenness.

Through the pain, abuse, and loss, Naghmeh clearly demonstrates what it means for us to find our true identity in God, discover the protective care God has for His children, and participate in sharing the love and healing He desires to bring to the world.

1. Opening Credits
2. Note to the Reader
3. Dedication
4. Prologue
5. Chapter 1: Child of Revolution and War
6. Chapter 2: A Long, Bitter Winter
7. Chapter 3: "We Can't Stay Here Any Longer"
8. Chapter 4: Respite from War
9. Chapter 5: "God Loves You"
10. Chapter 6: The Opportunity to Dream
11. Chapter 7: Escaping Jesus
12. Chapter 8: Life in Idaho
13. Chapter 9: "Show Them Who You Are"
14. Chapter 10: Discovering My Calling
15. Chapter 11: Back to Iran
16. Chapter 12: God's Persistent Call
17. Chapter 13: Meeting Saeed
18. Chapter 14: Falling in Love
19. Chapter 15: The Heartbeat of Change
20. Chapter 16: A Proposal?
21. Chapter 17: Pushing the Boundaries
22. Chapter 18: Revival in the House Church
23. Chapter 19: Planting Churches and Evangelizing
24. Chapter 20: Arrested and Tested
25. Chapter 21: The Wedding
26. Chapter 22: Honeymoon from Hell
27. Chapter 23: Begging for Love
28. Chapter 24: Falling Apart
29. Chapter 25: The Beating
30. Chapter 26: Church Split 2.0
31. Chapter 27: A Baby Born in Chaos
32. Chapter 28: An Alternate Universe
33. Chapter 29: Attempted Escape
34. Chapter 30: Trapped in Iran
35. Chapter 31: The Phone Call
36. Chapter 32: A Different Kind of Arrest
37. Chapter 33: Keeping Saeed Alive
38. Chapter 34: Tortured for Christ
39. Chapter 35: The Campaign
40. Chapter 36: A New Friend
41. Chapter 37: Confronting the Iranian Presidential Delegation
42. Chapter 38: Hospital Revelation
43. Chapter 39: A New Prison
44. Chapter 40: Downward Spiral
45. Chapter 41: President Obama
46. Chapter 42: God’s Daughter
47. Chapter 43: Confession
48. Chapter 44: The Emails
49. Chapter 45: Released from Prison
50. Chapter 46: An Unwanted Divorce
51. Chapter 47: In the Wilderness
52. Chapter 48: A New Kind of Ministry
53. Chapter 49: Processing the Past
54. Chapter 50: A Renewed Vision
55. Epilogue
56. Closing Credits
57. I Didn't Survive Sample