A Beautiful War

After the birth of her son, Amanda found herself in the grip of a postpartum depression so deep she saw no way out. Dark, ugly thoughts held her mind captive, and she contemplated harming her baby and ending her own life.

She says, “For me, the darkness that postpartum depression held was all-consuming and terrifying. I would have done anything to escape it without thought or reason. It was an ugly, shameful place that kept me isolated and fearful—a place so brutal that I felt as though I would forever be stuck in a pit of hell with no way of escape.” But she said that in a moment of God’s mercy, “the dark veil that shielded reality was violently torn away, and the weight of what I almost did caused me to shatter.”

Amanda knew she needed help and was at last able to reach out. Help came in the form of her husband, her mother, a friend, a praying doctor, and the aid of medication. Most of all, hope began to slowly and gradually dissipate the fog of her depression and change her perspective after she released to Jesus all the shame, fears, depression, and guilt she felt.

This transparently told, brave personal story will resonate with anyone who suffers from depression, whether postpartum or not, or loves someone who does. A Beautiful War highlights the hope that comes from Jesus, the faith that casts out fear, and love that always wins.

1. Opening Credits
2. Dedication
3. Jesus Loves Me
4. Foreword by by LaVerne Vest
5. Chapter 1: Jesus Loves Me
6. Chapter 2: The Beginning
7. Chapter 3: Spiraling
8. Chapter 4: Unexpected
9. Chapter 5: Rock Bottom
10. Chapter 6: Hope
11. Chapter 7: Waking Up to Me
12. Chapter 8: Response
13. Chapter 9: A New Perspective
14. Chapter 10: Letting Go of the Shame
15. Chapter 11: It Isn’t Over
16. Chapter 12: Moving Forward
17. Epilogue: Jesus Loves You
18. Closing Credits